Centralia Fireside Guard

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Story Time: Serious business

Posted on Tuesday, January 9, 2018 at 1:30 pm

By Lorry Myers

For the last ten days I have been hacking and coughing and leaving behind a trail of discarded flu and cold products. Whatever it is started the day after Christmas and decided to stick around to the New Year. From my house it spread to other family members, each with their own unique symptoms.

This thing just won’t go away.

Apparently it is a viral thing that just has to run its course so I decided to rush it along. I marched into the cold and flu aisle in the pharmacy and my eyes glazed over at all the different remedies. Mucus pills and sinus capsules and sprays that you stick up your nose. Joint aches and muscle pains, stuffed up nose and runny nose, fevers and chills, coughing and sneezing…there are so many symptoms to choose from.

This flu stuff is serious business.

Everyone is seems, has their own proven cure. At work they have me drinking orange powder, putting oil on the bottom of my feet and sleeping with a cut onion beside my bed. My husband has me gargling salt water and my mother has me sleeping in an elevated position. I am supposed to put honey in the hot tea I don’t drink and eucalyptus in a wax burner I don’t have. I am holding my nose and drinking horrible red stuff in the morning and disgusting green stuff at night.

What doesn’t cure me just might kill me.

Still, I get up each morning and try to shake this off and get back to my life. I refuse to let this unwanted guest dictate what I do. I suck on cherry cough drops and use my elbow instead of my hand. I carry water with me in case a cough fit forms and I need to wash it away. I have hand sanitizer in my purse and wipe down grocery carts before and after I use them. I have slightly used tissues in every pocket, ibuprofen in the coin purse and an inhaler that makes me sniff and sneeze and blow.

Where does all this snot come from anyway?

The weather, unfortunately, has not been on my team. It’s way too cold and much too dreary and I feel like winter has sunk into my bones. I go to bed early to get my rest, then sleep fitfully between coughing fits. When I get up in the morning my hair is a fright and snot is dried under my nose and I have black circles under my eyes. When I step out of the house my face is puffy and I leave a Kleenex trail behind me wherever I go. My nose is red and my voice sounds like I’ve been screaming at a rock concert.

I wish!

I am sure my co-workers are over it, my mother is worried about it and my friends act like I am one of the walking dead. My children are threatening to take me back to the doctor who insists I will get over this on my own.

For the complete editorial please see this week’s edition of the Centralia Fireside Guard.

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