Centralia Fireside Guard

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Story Time: The Lake suit

Posted on Tuesday, June 5, 2018 at 11:14 am

By Lorry Myers

I own five bathing suits that I don’t want to wear. I have two one-piece suits and three two-piece suits along with cover-ups to cover up with.

It’s ridiculous.

I have accumulated these bathing suits over the course of twenty years. One bathing suit makes my arms looks flabby and the other makes my middle look chubby. One shows too much, another doesn’t give enough, and the last one goes places it just shouldn’t go. All of these suits were once so promising but soon the suit would show itself and reveal my flaws and I began to doubt myself and my sense of style. Yet, I can’t seem to get rid of any of them, I have to keep them all.

Still, I need a swimsuit.

We have an upcoming family Lake reunion so I need a Lake suit, something I can put on in the morning and wear until the sun sets. The fabric needs to be thicker and not so tight that I can’t lounge on a lounger or float on a floatie. My other five swimsuits each come in shades of black so I tell myself I need to move past this.

This time I’m going to get something totally different.

I chose a store I thought would have the most choices because I don’t want to shop hop for a swimsuit. I plan to disrobe once and try on once and then agonize about it in the dressing room, but only once. In the store, I thoroughly peruse the layout of the swimsuit section before I selectively select five different styles and shapes thinking I would weed them out and narrow them down and get this over in a hurry.

Well, this one was too tight and this one was too small and this one was…oh heck no! One was just ok and the other was not much better so I put those two through a battery of tests: bending over, stretching out, walking about to make sure nothing falls out. I twist, I turn, I do moves that I would never make in public. Both swimsuits meet all the “stay put” criteria but there is nothing remarkable about either one. Maybe that is what I want, something that makes me blend into the woodwork.

Perhaps something in camouflage.

Finally, I pick the suit that is the least worst of the two and leave the store feeling like I had not accomplished anything. I quickly ran through my Lake list, thinking the nagging feeling I had was because I was forgetting something. I had the sunscreen and my sun hat and some sunburn lotion. Bug spray and hairspray and room spray, are all checked off my list.

For the complete column, please see this week’s edition of the Centralia Fireside Guard.