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Story Time: Hair Care

Posted on Tuesday, September 8, 2020 at 11:45 am

By Lorry Myers

He was already out the door, list in hand when I remembered the one thing I needed the most. The one thing I’d forgotten to get the day before.

Thank goodness for cell phones.

I called and my husband surprised me by answering. Randy and I are not those people that are glued to our cell phones. Often mine is swimming in the bottom of my purse and his is forgotten on the cabinet in the kitchen.

This time I was lucky.

“What did you forget?” Randy asked, his voice laced with dread.

My husband is a willing shopper as long as the list is short and familiar. Bread and milk…no problem. Applesauce or tomato sauce…how hard can that be? It is only when I ask for quirky items that he will fumble and grumble. That’s when I have to be specific.

Lorry Myers

Lorry Myers

Refried beans, aisle two, lower shelf, taco section, not the bean section.

Water Chestnuts, look for chow mein, not peanuts.

Coconut milk…oh boy, this one did him in.

Experience has taught me that what I am about to request that my husband pick up at the store will not go over well.

“I need hairspray” I said in a hurry, “the one in the purple can.”

“What?” he says. “What?”

So I break it down. Beauty aisle…hairspray…purple can.

“Nope.” he says, “not doing it.”

Then I remind him that in the past, I have asked him to pick up far more uncomfortable items than this.

“OK.” Randy huffed and hung up.

Two minutes later, he called back. After reading all the overhead aisle signs, he located the beauty aisle, which he apparently never knew existed. Now he is in front of the hairspray.

“There must be 50 kinds of this stuff!” Randy gushed, sounding like he was in a doughnut shop “How do I know what to get?”

Ummmm…hello! Purple can.

Again, he hung up on me.

I wait for one heartbeat…. two heartbeats…then, the phone rang again.

Just like I knew it would.

“How about this one.” Randy began, without even saying hello. “This one resists humidity and provides long-lasting maximum hold and intense shine. Or this one that delivers a quick dry mist with up to 48 hour hold, locking your bold style in place. How does that sound?”

“Just look for the purple can.”

For the complete column, see this week’s edition of the Centralia Fireside Guard