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Story Time: Pageants and pants

Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2023 at 10:50 am

By Lorry Myers

The “beauty” pageant called Mr. Student Body, was a fundraising event put on by the high school Student Council. That year, my son was chosen to represent The Future Teachers of America in the pageant. That meant Taylor had to create and model a costume that characterized the FTA. He also had to appear in a bathing suit, answer on the spot questions, and participate in a song and dance routine. Candidates were scored on creativity and audience engagement.

Beauty had nothing to do with it.

I bought tickets in advance because my parents were coming, and my sister, Lindy, with her young daughter, Amy. Lindy was driving from Kansas City and would barely get there before the pageant started. So, we left her tickets at the back table and took our seats in the third row.

The auditorium was standing room only so I kept watching for my sister and little niece to arrive. I was hoping they could get seated before the lights were turned down and the show began. Finally, there she was, an usher pointing her to our seats.

As Lindy started down the center aisle of the auditorium, I stood up so she could see exactly where she needed to go. Sweet, little Amy followed closely behind, looking a little skittish walking down the spotlighted runway in front of the waiting crowd. When the pair were halfway to our seats, the background music abruptly shut off, signaling that the pageant was about to start. The sudden change in the now hushed room scared Amy and she took off like a startled young colt, galloping the several steps it took to reach her mother. With outstretched arms she threw herself into the air and wrapped herself around her mom’s waist, hanging on for dear life. That night, Amy’s mother was looking lovely in a classy short jacket with matching loose pants. When Amy latched on to Lindy’s waist, she immediately slid right on down to the floor.

Her mother’s pants slid right on down with her.

I saw it all and have to tell you, it was a something to see! Amy rode those pants straight to the floor leaving Lindy totally pant less. When she felt that rush of cool air, Lindy didn’t even look down. She glanced around at the crowded auditorium, and then at me standing up watching it all. When our eyes met, Lindy shrugged her shoulders and did the only thing she could to cover her lack of pants.

She hit the floor.

For the complete article, see this week’s edition of the Centralia Fireside Guard