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Story Time: Six swimming suits

Posted on Tuesday, July 11, 2023 at 9:56 am

By Lorry Myers

I own five bathing suits that I don’t really like. I have two one-piece suits and three two-piece suits along with cover-ups to cover up with.

It’s ridiculous.

One bathing suit makes my arms look flabby and the other makes my middle look chubby. One shows too much, another doesn’t stretch enough, and the last one goes places it just shouldn’t go. All of these suits were once so promising but soon the suit would show itself, revealing my flaws and making me doubt myself and my sense of style. Yet, I can’t seem to get rid of any of them. I have to keep them all.

They are all I have.

We have an upcoming family vacation so I needed a new suit, one I could put on in the morning and wear until the sun sets. The fabric needed to be thicker, and not so tight that I can’t lounge on a lounger or float on a floatie. I needed to change it up because each of my other five swimsuits come primarily in shades of black.

You can’t go wrong with black.

I chose a store with the most choices because I wasn’t going to shop hop for a swimsuit. I planned to disrobe once, try on once, and agonize about it in the dressing room only once. After thoroughly perusing the swimsuit section, I selectively selected five different styles and shapes thinking one of those was surely the miracle suit I was looking for.

Well, one was too tight, one was too small, and one was…oh heck no! One was just ok and the other was not much better so I put those two through a battery of tests like bending over, stretching out, and walking about to make sure nothing falls out. I twisted, I turned, I did moves I would never do in public. Both swimsuits passed but there was nothing remarkable about either one. I was really hoping to find something that would hide my shortcomings and imperfections.

Perhaps something in camouflage.

Finally, I caved under pressure and chose the suit that was the best worst one, then, I left the store feeling slightly unsettled. I quickly ran through my vacation checklist, thinking the nagging feeling I had was because I was forgetting something. I had my sunscreen, my sun hat, and my sunburn lotion. Bug spray, hairspray, and room spray, all were checked off my list.

Now, I could check off a swimsuit.

For the complete column, see this week’s edition of the Centralia Fireside Guard