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Story Time: Tale of toilet paper

Posted on Tuesday, April 21, 2020 at 2:20 pm

By Lorry Myers

With all this talk of toilet paper, it reminded me of a phone call several years ago from my daughters who were living together as roommates.

“Mom…let me talk to Dad.”

I immediately gave the phone to my husband with a look that said this was not a social call. Randy braced himself and said, “Hilary, what’s wrong?”

I had no idea what was happening but this is how my husband’s end of the conversation went.

“Slow down Hilary, I can’t understand you.”

“Which one?”

“How did that happen?”

“How many people were at your house?”

“Do you have a plunger?”

Lorry Myers

Lorry Myers

“No, a coat hanger will not work.”

“Tell your sister that laughing is not going to get the toilet unstopped.”

“What’s the hair spray for?”

“I don’t care how bad it smells; hair spray will not help.”

“You need a plunger!”

“I don’t know how much they cost just go get one.”

“No, it will not unplug itself if you let it soak awhile.”

“I live here and you live in Kansas!”

“If you girls are going to live together, you need to learn how to do these things on your own.”

“Filling the stool with more toilet paper so you don’t have to see what’s in there only adds to the problem.”

“Where do you think it came from?”

“Hilary, put your sister on the phone.”

“Mariah, go get a plunger.”

“No, tongs will not work.”

“You can stir it all you want but nothing’s going to change.”

“No don’t flush it again!!!”

Sigh. “Get a mop and put your sister back on the phone.”

“Hilary…listen to me. Go to the store and buy a plunger.”

“I don’t know Hilary, in the bathroom aisle.”

“Don’t you dare go get your neighbors, go get a plunger.”

“Call me back when you get home.”

For the complete column, see this week’s edition of the Centralia Fireside Guard.